Having a repeat of today's PET Scan done tomorrow. NO, not because it was showing naughty things... but because I was naughty and drank some coffee, too much sugar in my system, blah, blah, blah.
Maybe if they would have TOLD me to starve and dehydrate myself I would have know. And yes, I've had a PET scan before, my memory is not that of an elephant.
Stay tuned... results should still be in on Wednesday....
Monday, September 9, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Farewell Friends!
Saying farewell to my trusty trio of anti-nausea meds. They have been a staple in my makeup drawer for months. I have been free of them for a week now and feeling chipper.... So into the keeping-just-in-case drawer they go!
My second farewell of the week!
Be well, Be kind, Be Awesome!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Weekly lab visits are finished!
Very excited today was my last Friday visit with labs. I have visited them weekly since March ....
I went out with a bang though... I think they filled every color vial they had... And probably took some extras just in case
Thankful for their awesome receptionists and my favorite phlebotomist Mr. Ronald. He was the gentlest stick there and they always allowed me to request him :)
Happy Friday!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
What happened to MY summer?
In a blink of an eye, turn of a calendar page, summer, for me, is finished. Tomorrow is the return of the 5:30 wake up and spending my weekdays with hundreds of children who are not mine. While I LOVE my job and all that entails, my schedule does not match that of my children, my vacations, breaks, nada. I am wondering if I'm the beginning to be like the farmer in the parable of the rich fool we heard of today in church. Luke 12:13-21 Do I have my goods laid up for many years? Am I keeping my treasures for myself? By no means am I / are we rich, but my job, well, I make a pretty penny more than my local counterparts. Many days as of late I have wondered at what cost? Missing time with our children, paying others to watch them while they are on vacation....
My re occurrence of cancer has allowed me, most often times forced me, to look twice, think twice, then reevaluate, pray, and wish for the best. I remember going into surgery in February every told me it WILL be okay! How did they know? I could not necessarily believe that, how could they? Looking back, I did believe it would be okay, and I too, was wrong. Did it hurt? HELL yes it hurt. How many times have you had a doctor look you in the eyes and tell you you have cancer, again. Have you had to call your sisters and tell them? Your mother? It was so hard. I couldn't call my brother, I was too tired. I made my sister do it.
Now, I look twice, savor three times, and believe non stop. If I stop believing now, when will I ever begin again? This summer I have savored the ice cream mustaches, believed in the s'more sticky smiles, and loved the twinkling eyes over and over again. Through them, and so much more, I believe that deep down inside I have been renewed in some way. While I truly hope that it is my health that has been renewed, there are other aspects of my life that have been changed forever as well.
As I head back to school, I'm still tired. My last round of chemo, last week, was a WHOPPER. I did make it to work Thursday and Friday, but quite honestly, I have not a clue of what I did, where I went, or who I saw. In the haze of post-chemo exhaustion and anti-nausea meds, I trudged through. For those that asked "How are you?" and I answered "fine," thanks for allowing me to lie.
My last round came and went with as much fanfare as a tetanus shot. My nurses hugged me, and we all felt the sadness of farewell, but as I told them both "I hope I never see you again." I mean it. Chemo is a nasty beast that sucks the life out of a person, relationships, and families. I've done my best, but hot dog! its a bear. I'm looking forward to the day where I can no longer say I'm sick of being tired. Right now I feel like it would take the power of 5 oxen to lift my arms. I look forward to the day where I get to tuck my children in, instead of them tucking in me.
I've always heard how resilient children are... and boy, are they ever. Our children have come through these past 5-6 months pretty darn well. They have learned all about chemo, ports, platelets, illness, hair loss, exhaustion and more. They have watched their mommy go from long and full hair to short and fuzzy, seen 15 lbs. packed back on, experienced and seen emotions and moments that one would never hope for their children. At the end of the day? They still are amazingly awesome. I feel that their compassion has deepened, their emotions have strengthened, and that they are pricelessly perfect.
I so look forward to telling them that the cancer is gone. dead. extinct. I will get to do that on the 11th of September, Patriot Day. My PET scan is scheduled for September 9. I'll get my results two days later when I meet with Dr. Numnum.
So for now, that is it. I'm not sure if you will hear from me before September 11. I would like to think so, but cannot promise. I have a lot to do. Mommy-ing, wife-ing, friend-ing, Suzanne-ing.
If YOU need something to do, this is what I suggest:
Eat pancakes in honor of my sister Pam:
My re occurrence of cancer has allowed me, most often times forced me, to look twice, think twice, then reevaluate, pray, and wish for the best. I remember going into surgery in February every told me it WILL be okay! How did they know? I could not necessarily believe that, how could they? Looking back, I did believe it would be okay, and I too, was wrong. Did it hurt? HELL yes it hurt. How many times have you had a doctor look you in the eyes and tell you you have cancer, again. Have you had to call your sisters and tell them? Your mother? It was so hard. I couldn't call my brother, I was too tired. I made my sister do it.
Now, I look twice, savor three times, and believe non stop. If I stop believing now, when will I ever begin again? This summer I have savored the ice cream mustaches, believed in the s'more sticky smiles, and loved the twinkling eyes over and over again. Through them, and so much more, I believe that deep down inside I have been renewed in some way. While I truly hope that it is my health that has been renewed, there are other aspects of my life that have been changed forever as well.
As I head back to school, I'm still tired. My last round of chemo, last week, was a WHOPPER. I did make it to work Thursday and Friday, but quite honestly, I have not a clue of what I did, where I went, or who I saw. In the haze of post-chemo exhaustion and anti-nausea meds, I trudged through. For those that asked "How are you?" and I answered "fine," thanks for allowing me to lie.
My last round came and went with as much fanfare as a tetanus shot. My nurses hugged me, and we all felt the sadness of farewell, but as I told them both "I hope I never see you again." I mean it. Chemo is a nasty beast that sucks the life out of a person, relationships, and families. I've done my best, but hot dog! its a bear. I'm looking forward to the day where I can no longer say I'm sick of being tired. Right now I feel like it would take the power of 5 oxen to lift my arms. I look forward to the day where I get to tuck my children in, instead of them tucking in me.
I've always heard how resilient children are... and boy, are they ever. Our children have come through these past 5-6 months pretty darn well. They have learned all about chemo, ports, platelets, illness, hair loss, exhaustion and more. They have watched their mommy go from long and full hair to short and fuzzy, seen 15 lbs. packed back on, experienced and seen emotions and moments that one would never hope for their children. At the end of the day? They still are amazingly awesome. I feel that their compassion has deepened, their emotions have strengthened, and that they are pricelessly perfect.
I so look forward to telling them that the cancer is gone. dead. extinct. I will get to do that on the 11th of September, Patriot Day. My PET scan is scheduled for September 9. I'll get my results two days later when I meet with Dr. Numnum.
So for now, that is it. I'm not sure if you will hear from me before September 11. I would like to think so, but cannot promise. I have a lot to do. Mommy-ing, wife-ing, friend-ing, Suzanne-ing.
If YOU need something to do, this is what I suggest:
Eat pancakes in honor of my sister Pam:
"Monday August 5th is my six month anniversary of my surgery & the start of my recovery journey. My darling friend Kate Kramer suggested it is time another [flat as a] Pancake week!
For those of you who missed it last time, I am asking all those who know me, my sisters Suzanne Michener Bronson & Michelle Herlihy, and my mother Jaquie Michener Dever to eat pancakes this week in honor & support of those of us who have been flattened - literally, figuratively & emotionally - by cancer.
Only the bravest (or craziest!), actually eat pancakes all week long; but doing so even once may bring joy to your day/week, & remind you that this disease is not picky in who it chooses! Bite me cancer!"
For those of you who missed it last time, I am asking all those who know me, my sisters Suzanne Michener Bronson & Michelle Herlihy, and my mother Jaquie Michener Dever to eat pancakes this week in honor & support of those of us who have been flattened - literally, figuratively & emotionally - by cancer.
Only the bravest (or craziest!), actually eat pancakes all week long; but doing so even once may bring joy to your day/week, & remind you that this disease is not picky in who it chooses! Bite me cancer!"
Find someone who needs a smile and give them one, or two! Heck, they are free!
Go find a person that was rude to you, spoke ill of you.... and smile at them. Touch them as you speak. Your actions speak volumes. You may not be ready to welcome them back into your life, but you may cause them to think further before they negatively impact another.
Write someone a letter. A REAL letter. I received one this week from my friend J in IN. Brought me more joy than a case of Hershey's on a snow day!
Pay it forward. Somewhere, somehow, YOU can be the bright spot in someone's day. It does not require money, or materials. It requires you. Take a leap of faith and be there for someone. Like you have been for me.
Be well, be kind, be blessed, be honest, be loved.
Know that I am so very thankful for you taking the time to "be" with me for a few moments.
Know that I pray daily. For myself, for many others, for YOU.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Total Slacker......
I'm a total blog slacker, sorry. It isn't that I do not think about it, but that I do not want to do it. Some days it is very easy to sit and vomit my world onto the computer, but most days I prefer to pretend that all is good.
My platelets came back up, but are back in the pits. I labbed last Friday, 7/19, and again yesterday, Tuesday 7/23 to make sure they were up... they are not, they are even lower. Stupid platelets. So if you see me, don't cut me, punch me, or cause injury to me. Thanks. Just need the little buggers to come up by next Monday. I'll lab again Friday, stupid platelets. No rise, no chemo.
Speaking of chemo, next week is my LAST ROUND! Can I get a woot, woot! Yee haw! I'll go Mon-Weds., and that my friends is a wrap!(PET scan pending) I will have a PET scan sometime around Labor Day to make sure there are no metastases. I CANNOT wait to make sure this pickle of a body is squeaky clean. Other than my freaky platelet issues, I've not had a single concern that would point to the chemo not doing its job, Hallelujah! Post-chemo, it should take anywhere from 3-6 months for my body to return to "normal," whatever that may be. For me, it will be a "new" normal.
My persepective on so much has changed; my health has struggled, my family has endured, my Faith has deepened, my views have changed. I look forward to fewer naps, energy that lasts more than 30 minutes, my long, thick hair, full eye-lashes, disappearing chemo-acne, the end of frequent tears, skin without bruises, weeks without needles, time with my family that is not dictated by chemo schedules, lab draws, and pill schedules. I look forward to making new friendships, renewing old ones, and rebuilding and repairing those that have suffered.
I look forward to uplifting friends as mine have uplifted me. I have a friend Carol, who faithfully sends me a card, or two every week. I have every card that she has sent, and read them repeatedly. I find strength in them. I find strength in her, in her unwavering faith in God that I will come through this healed, stronger, better. She made me some cds of encouraging and uplifting Christian music, some of her favorites, and I listen often. I actually have every card that anyone has sent me during this recurrence. Every one. Some I reread often, others I hold onto for strength in numbers.
Our annual trip to Michigan was refreshing, invigorating, full of love, giggles, fun, love, and perfection. I am so very thankful for it each year. Cousins, Lake MI, ice cream, parades, ice cream, Aunt Sue time, Aunt Sandy time, tiny cousin time, niece & nephew Annalee and Aaron joining us for the first.time.ever... Little Micayla flying here unaccompanied for the 3rd year and trekking with us again, ice cream. Sand, kayaking, sunsets, handholding, sister time, husband time, grammy time, sky lanterns launched with wishes to eradicate cancer from our family. Mischief and sometimes mayhem, its my little slice of heaven. I felt renewed, refreshed, and ready to face round 5 of chemo. My sister Pam was there too, and returned to chemo as well, her last! She's prepping for radiation now, almost at the finish line!
Kiddoes have survived summer superbly. We have not been the best at doing our summer work for school, but all will balance out. We've tried to make their summer as normal as normal could be in this household. Swimming, biking, glowsticks, lightning bugs, backyard bonfires, sunscreen, sprinklers and more. John bought John Michael and I fancy new bikes, so bike riding is our new thing! Anything to bring them joy during this crazy time, to turn their worries into wonders and remind them that life's joys are everywhere.
Work begins next week, blech. We go back July 31, with student's 1st day Monday, August 5th. I'm going to miss the 1st day most likely due to chemo, but will trudge through the next two. I'm going to miss my babies terribly. I cherish our time in the summer greatly and have wondered if my working where I do is the best choice for our family. I would love to have more time with my children, my husband... Anyone have a crystal ball I may borrow?
Anyhow, next week it is. Heading back for my 16th year with Fort Campbell Schools. Looking forward to year two of teaching STEM, new faces, new challenges, but not some changes. Will desperately miss my dear friend Courtney who is moving to VA. Today we had a "farewell" for her, and I think I spent more time looking away, than I did looking at her. Every time I did, tears formed, a lump grew, and my heart ached. Its not often when you meet a truly, truly great person. I'm not great at farewells, and wished I could have hidden in a bush like John Michael did when he was little and guests would leave. I've leaned heavily on her smile, heart, strength and faith over the years, and have learned so much from her. To be honest, its going to be tough without knowing her smile is right around the corner and down the hall. I'll find my joy, find my smile, find my happiness there again, but will miss her deeply.
Kiddoes are looking forward to school, for the most part. Busy with losing teeth, cheerleading, Tae Kwon Do, and Middle School soccer! Their school allows 4th & 5th grades to play middle school sports. JM has enjoyed the practices and has participated in camp this week with the "big boys" this week. He is the only incoming 4th grade that has attended all of camp, and has had quite the big time. When I picked him up this morning, he and his pal, "D Mac" I believe were walking together. The older boy patted him on the head, gave him some "knuckles" and told him that he was proud of his hard work and had played great as a defender. According to JM this young man was the varsity goalie and his new pal. I of course got teary and had to get in the car. Poor JM almost DIED when he saw my tears and gave an exasperated sigh at mom and her tears... sweet guy. Between that and me rocking a wig to pick him up the other day, he may claim another mommy as his own. Mary has been rocking cheer like a queen and is looking forward to the new uniforms and competition season to start! She's changing teams within her gym, partnering up with girlies more her age and is thrilled that her "BFFs" are on the new team. Thankful to know that her coaches know what is best for her and the teams. Very blessed to have people coaching and caring for our babies like we do!
Chemo is almost complete. Cancer should be gone. Spirits are a bit low. Things will get better. Life will go on.
My platelets came back up, but are back in the pits. I labbed last Friday, 7/19, and again yesterday, Tuesday 7/23 to make sure they were up... they are not, they are even lower. Stupid platelets. So if you see me, don't cut me, punch me, or cause injury to me. Thanks. Just need the little buggers to come up by next Monday. I'll lab again Friday, stupid platelets. No rise, no chemo.
Speaking of chemo, next week is my LAST ROUND! Can I get a woot, woot! Yee haw! I'll go Mon-Weds., and that my friends is a wrap!(PET scan pending) I will have a PET scan sometime around Labor Day to make sure there are no metastases. I CANNOT wait to make sure this pickle of a body is squeaky clean. Other than my freaky platelet issues, I've not had a single concern that would point to the chemo not doing its job, Hallelujah! Post-chemo, it should take anywhere from 3-6 months for my body to return to "normal," whatever that may be. For me, it will be a "new" normal.
My persepective on so much has changed; my health has struggled, my family has endured, my Faith has deepened, my views have changed. I look forward to fewer naps, energy that lasts more than 30 minutes, my long, thick hair, full eye-lashes, disappearing chemo-acne, the end of frequent tears, skin without bruises, weeks without needles, time with my family that is not dictated by chemo schedules, lab draws, and pill schedules. I look forward to making new friendships, renewing old ones, and rebuilding and repairing those that have suffered.
I look forward to uplifting friends as mine have uplifted me. I have a friend Carol, who faithfully sends me a card, or two every week. I have every card that she has sent, and read them repeatedly. I find strength in them. I find strength in her, in her unwavering faith in God that I will come through this healed, stronger, better. She made me some cds of encouraging and uplifting Christian music, some of her favorites, and I listen often. I actually have every card that anyone has sent me during this recurrence. Every one. Some I reread often, others I hold onto for strength in numbers.
Our annual trip to Michigan was refreshing, invigorating, full of love, giggles, fun, love, and perfection. I am so very thankful for it each year. Cousins, Lake MI, ice cream, parades, ice cream, Aunt Sue time, Aunt Sandy time, tiny cousin time, niece & nephew Annalee and Aaron joining us for the first.time.ever... Little Micayla flying here unaccompanied for the 3rd year and trekking with us again, ice cream. Sand, kayaking, sunsets, handholding, sister time, husband time, grammy time, sky lanterns launched with wishes to eradicate cancer from our family. Mischief and sometimes mayhem, its my little slice of heaven. I felt renewed, refreshed, and ready to face round 5 of chemo. My sister Pam was there too, and returned to chemo as well, her last! She's prepping for radiation now, almost at the finish line!
Kiddoes have survived summer superbly. We have not been the best at doing our summer work for school, but all will balance out. We've tried to make their summer as normal as normal could be in this household. Swimming, biking, glowsticks, lightning bugs, backyard bonfires, sunscreen, sprinklers and more. John bought John Michael and I fancy new bikes, so bike riding is our new thing! Anything to bring them joy during this crazy time, to turn their worries into wonders and remind them that life's joys are everywhere.
Work begins next week, blech. We go back July 31, with student's 1st day Monday, August 5th. I'm going to miss the 1st day most likely due to chemo, but will trudge through the next two. I'm going to miss my babies terribly. I cherish our time in the summer greatly and have wondered if my working where I do is the best choice for our family. I would love to have more time with my children, my husband... Anyone have a crystal ball I may borrow?
Anyhow, next week it is. Heading back for my 16th year with Fort Campbell Schools. Looking forward to year two of teaching STEM, new faces, new challenges, but not some changes. Will desperately miss my dear friend Courtney who is moving to VA. Today we had a "farewell" for her, and I think I spent more time looking away, than I did looking at her. Every time I did, tears formed, a lump grew, and my heart ached. Its not often when you meet a truly, truly great person. I'm not great at farewells, and wished I could have hidden in a bush like John Michael did when he was little and guests would leave. I've leaned heavily on her smile, heart, strength and faith over the years, and have learned so much from her. To be honest, its going to be tough without knowing her smile is right around the corner and down the hall. I'll find my joy, find my smile, find my happiness there again, but will miss her deeply.
Kiddoes are looking forward to school, for the most part. Busy with losing teeth, cheerleading, Tae Kwon Do, and Middle School soccer! Their school allows 4th & 5th grades to play middle school sports. JM has enjoyed the practices and has participated in camp this week with the "big boys" this week. He is the only incoming 4th grade that has attended all of camp, and has had quite the big time. When I picked him up this morning, he and his pal, "D Mac" I believe were walking together. The older boy patted him on the head, gave him some "knuckles" and told him that he was proud of his hard work and had played great as a defender. According to JM this young man was the varsity goalie and his new pal. I of course got teary and had to get in the car. Poor JM almost DIED when he saw my tears and gave an exasperated sigh at mom and her tears... sweet guy. Between that and me rocking a wig to pick him up the other day, he may claim another mommy as his own. Mary has been rocking cheer like a queen and is looking forward to the new uniforms and competition season to start! She's changing teams within her gym, partnering up with girlies more her age and is thrilled that her "BFFs" are on the new team. Thankful to know that her coaches know what is best for her and the teams. Very blessed to have people coaching and caring for our babies like we do!
Chemo is almost complete. Cancer should be gone. Spirits are a bit low. Things will get better. Life will go on.
That is all I have for now!
Be well, be kind, be blessed, be honest, be loved.
Know that I am so very thankful for you taking the time to "be" with me for a few moments.
Know that I pray daily. For myself, for many others, for YOU.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Summer Fun with Cancer? Trying!
It has been so long I do not even
know where to begin. I feel like I have continuously
ridden on a jerking, scream inducing, smile creating roller coaster.
Chemo has gone well in
general. Round 4 is finished, two more
to go! Some troubles with nausea still,
but very manageable. Sleeping beauty
days are still around, but less so. Hair
loss has been consistent, revving up a bit lately. I bit the bullet a few weeks ago, and had my
hairdresser trim the scragglies. The
above shoulder bob was cute at the time, with an addition of bangs, but as the
hair loss continues I often find myself considering shaving the rest off. I am covered in hair constantly, its on the
floor, the counters, in my food…. As I still have two treatments to go; not
sure how much I’ll have left after those anyhow. I think I’d probably rock a scarf after I
get trained by my Deidra… Jury is out
for now.
My labs have faired … fair. I’m currently in trouble for low
platelets. I’m under 60 which is the
super naughty zone. So no punching me,
cutting me, roughhousing. I re-draw on
Monday, maybe Wednesday, and Friday next week.
All while on vacation, good times!
Not. Stupid platelets and
clotting factor.
Relay for Life…
Rocked.
It is very difficult for me to “let” others
do things for me. I love helping others,
and doing things for them. I’m pretty
simple, easy to please, but wow. If I
counted the acts of kindness and generosity people have done for my family and
myself, well, my fingers and toes are not enough. My dear friend Jessica was our visionary:
creating Team Suzanne and rallying the
troops, getting people motivated, designing and marketing the *rock*star*shirts…..Team Suzanne raised over $5,000.00 and is ranked 8th of 45 teams here. And to think this was only our first year!
My
friends Dana and Libbie hosted the Save A Cowgirl cookout. Complete with hay bale seating, fabulous
food, friends, and fellowship. My parents special friend, Nancy, even made the 6 hour drive down to surprise us all... I was speechless...
John
Michael and Mary Elizabeth’s friend Anna joined them for a lemonade and goody
sale at church, where my buddy Paige helped out by baking some fab.u.lous
cookies.
Mary Elizabeth’s
pals Allie and Brianne, with brothers Logan & Braden, Mommyies Leann and Michelle, hosted a Lemonade stand in their neighborhood….
My friend Jill coordinated and hosted a out of this WORLD yard sale and friend Brandi
designed and ordered the grooviestTeam Suzanne bracelets…..
The list goes on and on.
The actual event was amazing, IS amazing. Have you been? You must.
I hope to never miss one again.
Ever. As a survivor, supporter,
fundraiser, volunteer. I have been
inspired, educated, and deeply, deeply touched in a way by this event that I
will make it my mission to always be
involved. My friends that came, and wished to come... thank you so much for being a part of that evening. Your children, your pictures from far away, texts of support, presence in person. I am deeply honored and humbled. I made new friends, held hands with Jill and new pal April while listening to a prayer that touched my soul.
Summer....
Summer
is speeding along. Kind of feel like I’ve
missed most of June, and what really bites is that I go back to work in 33
days. Yep. July 31.
Ugh. We’ve been swimming, playing
, bouncing, exploring, snow cone eating and more. Cousin Micayla flew in for her yearly visit with
us and we are quickly upon our favorite part of this season, MICHIGAN! We are soon heading to the Village of Empire,
MI to spend the week at Aunt Sue’s and in Lake Michigan! Time with all of our cousins, aunties,
uncles, grammy, grandpa, and more cousins…
Two are first timers, we can’t wait!
I’m hoping to spend lots of time pretending I’m a regular gal and forget about this cancer
business, but with lab visits up there too…. I’ll try my hardest.
Both
children participated in our local Soap Box Derby, making it to the 4th
round ( I believe) .
Great fun was had,
sportsmanship demonstrated, snacks eaten.
A good day.
JM is progressing
steadily at TKD. He is now a high blue
belt, and had his first board break (click the link!) at his last testing. It was a big week for the kids, as Mary Elizabeth
got her back handspring on the floor (click the link!).
Proud of them both. They work very hard in school, and their determination
pays off. Both finished the year with fabulous
reports and their test scores R.O.C.K.E.D.
As a teacher, I know the educational demands, and how much importance is
placed upon testing, blah, blah,blah… but when I saw their scores, well: data speaks. I get data, I know what it means, and well…
yay JM & ME!
US :)
John has transitioned to his "new" life as a civilian well and is loving being home. After 26 years of driving, he did something he has never done. He bought a new vehicle, for himself. He has always spoken of his desire to have a truck, and well.... he made it happen. He's been smiling since he left the lot. The kids are having a big time playing in the back of it, and want to change the laws so they can ride around the town in the back!
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As always, thank you for being with me, with us, on this journey. It has not been an easy one, and as of late, ever more a pickle. I've learned many lessons over the last few months, some beyond amazing, some... well, tearful each time I think of them.
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Sunday, May 5, 2013
Cancer.... Keeps. On. Going.
Well, surprise, cancer is still here and chemo still bites! Hot diggity does it ever! Not that I’m expecting it to get any easier,
but whew! Can’t a sister get a break!
Round two is in the books!
I made it through all three days, to include Avastin, which I did not
have with my 1st cocktail. Its
like the cherry on a Shirley Temple, makes it 30% better. Yep, that is what some of my days consist
of: looking at my treatments realizing that
one drug gives me a 30% increase in life expectancy. Yep, life expectancy,
another term not thrown around often in these parts, but sadly, we all should
sit back once in awhile and think about it.
Please know that I DO NOT spend my
days figuring my odds, because A: I’m not a morbid freak and B: I only figure
odds in Vegas! But, I do know what the future may or may not hold for me. I like data, I like numbers. Is it the teacher in me or the mommy who just
needs to know the who, what, why, when, and where, but I like numbers. The numbers the Avastin can give me, I’ll
take, but….
Blech: the chemo this
time with the Avastin thrown in has been as my sisters and I would say, very
barfy-mato. Despite receiving anti-nausea
meds in my Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday infusions, I’ve also been
medicating at home with the rotating trifecta of Phenergan, Compazine, and Zofran. Good times people. Combine this with hot flashes, constant
headaches, and feeling and exhausted, and Bazinga!.. crappy week. Oh, and my white counts bottomed out, so I
received a lovely Neulasta shot that gives long bone pain, and am grounded from
work until my counts are back up. Elementary school = 100s of kids = millions of
germs = Suzanne stay home L. This of course stinks, because I MISS
WORK! I miss my people, my pals, my
babies. I’m sick of the couch, the bed,
the porch. I miss being a mommy and a
wife. I’m sick of being sick.
I missed my daughter's cheer banquet today. While I am so very thankful that a dear friend was able to take Mary Elizabeth, it still stunk. I was snoozy, barfy, yucky.... I missed it. I missed her getting her team trophy, and her best hair under 12 trophy! Ugh! We've been rocking those sponge rollers and teasing that bump and I missed it! Cancer made me miss it. My child's moment.
I did have a few epiphanies this week though. I made a new friend at chemo. Her name is Theresa. She is a pastor’s wife, and she is a
gem. She reminds me of my dear friend Deidra,
in that she’s direct, lovely, has a smile the size of Alaska, and wears zippy
shoes and has a purse to match. She also
reminds me of her, because with a single question, she was able to get me to look
inside myself to see who I am. I shared
this on Facebook, but wanted to include it here to, as not everyone is on FB!
May 1
"My new friend Theresa, a chemo pal, asked me a poignant
question today: "Who are you?" For some reason, it made me cry. I
KNOW who I am, but then again, I wondered, really? "who AM I?' Well...
I'm a daughter to a gem who became a cancer widow at the age of 43. I was 11; my siblings 7, 16, 18. I'm a sister to Michelle, Pam and Scott, Laurie and Aaron, a cousin to Leslie, Kristi, John Howard, Steve, Tim, Tom, Chris and Keith. A niece to Sue, Sandy, Suzanne. I am a friend to rockin' people, and a mommy to two of the most amazing children ever. Think I'm teasing? Have you MET my children? really.. I'm a lover, an emotional gal, who also keeps things inside. I would perform violent acts against anyone that tried to hurt my family, yet, I want to make mean people nice.
I'm a public school teacher that sends her children to private school. I love technology in education and yes, I think worksheets are stupid for the most part. I prefer paperless teaching and learning and strongly support differentiated teaching. Not sure how to differentiate in your teaching? Give me 10 minutes. Really teachers, not that hard!
I love our fat cat Harry, drive a mini-van that could use a vacuum, I use profanity outside of school, am very ADHD, and think chocolate is a gift from God, truly.
I am a PROUD American. I love GOD! Even though the big booger "chose" me for this battle, I love him. I am repeatedly asked how and why? My only response: because: if not me, then who? My daughter? My son? My husband? I will gladly and bravely face any battle head-on, than allow those I love to endure the pain.
I am a cancer survivor who is now a cancer patient, again. I think chemo sucks the big wazoo, but will keep going because I love to kick ass! I'm a girl who shares chemo stories with her big sister, because she is fighting the fuc*ing beast at the same time as I am. I'm a girl who weeps in the shower, PRAYING, this goes away, and stays away, from my daughter, my nieces, my sisters, me.
Ask me how I am? I will tell you I am fine, and I am. I am fine.
Fine to smile
Fine to cry
Fine to weep while my hair covers my shirts as it comes out
Fine to cuss, nap, and ignore texts and phone calls and not care.
I'm a girl who does
NOT want to hear another person tell her of someone she knew that had
cancer and chemo, and they died. Really? Who raised you?I'm a girl with manners, values, grammar, and knows the difference between through and threw.
I'm a girl in love with a boy who gave her sweet babies, and is loving her through this beast of a battle. THAT is who I am."
The next day, May 2:
Sitting at chemo and a lady just asked me what today is and
I replied " May 2nd, National Day of Prayer."
Shortly thereafter, our chemo room looked like a pole dancing convention. All the ladies, even the wobbly ones were up and at 'em, circling up to pray for each other, our families, our friends that are by our sides. Thanking God for giving us this challenge and not those that we love.
Needed this today. Needed this.....
Shortly thereafter, our chemo room looked like a pole dancing convention. All the ladies, even the wobbly ones were up and at 'em, circling up to pray for each other, our families, our friends that are by our sides. Thanking God for giving us this challenge and not those that we love.
Needed this today. Needed this.....
Two very important days for me.
So, now, I’m here.
Sunday night, fingers crossed that Monday, tomorrow, does not bring what
the last Monday following chemo brought :x(.
Fingers also crossed that white counts go up too!
Down and out? Me? Never!
I can have cruddy days and moments, but so very much to be thankful
for! My family, my friends, you!
A shiny spot? My dear, lovely, dear friend Jessica started a Relay for Life team for me: Team Suzanne. Kind of hard to swallow at first for me, but then I just let go. I prefer to give and do, than to receive and accept, but I'm trying. If you'd like to join us, please do! I believe it is a private group, but let me know and you can join in!
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