Tomorrow

Not going home, but having a pleurodesis. It is an invasive procedure where they, in lay terms, get the outer lining of the lung to adhere to the chest wall. Hopefukl, this will stop the pleural effusion, collection of liquid around my lung, and make it easier to breathe, talk, and sit. 

Apparently I'll have a drainage tube for awhile and be in some good amounts of pain. 

Thank you for supporting us continually. I'm not up for visitors, at all. The only people getting past my nurses have shared DNA, or put a ring on me, and there is a no exception rule. 

I am terrified, nervous, and just need to be. Thank you for respecting this need. 

My mom and sister Michelle will be here for a bit, yet not Pam. She is preparing for her 2-scoop celebration on 5/1 when she finally receives her post mastectomy reconstruction! 

Thank you for continually praying for my family.

Groundhog Day

Still here. On my 3rd room, and eating a bit. I can maintain yogurt, peanut butter, pudding, and water. May not sound big, but it is huge. 

Working on ridding some water, I have ankles of an elephant, and my toes look like cocktail weenies. Will also need another thoracentisis as my L side is loaded again, and my abdomen will get tapped too. I'm hoping to just get knocked out because I loathe the procedures and they freak me out. 

My anxiety is building over everything so I'm working on that as well. I HATE being sick, I HATE being Helpless.  

Was able to see my babies last night for just a bit. 5 nights/6 days is the longest I've ever gone I believe. I just wanted to touch them and sniff 'em, and squeeze 'em. Will have another opportunity today as well. Going to cruise outside with them hopefully. 

A lot of time spent thinking here. I miss everything. My family, my friends, I miss ability, and agility. Cancer is a horror that just does not stop at just being cancer. Retraining my stomach will most likely be a life long endeavor that will be very difficult and intrude on all aspects of life.  

Looking forward to many steps forward with no looking back. 

Hug those you love, hug those you like. Do not be afraid to say you are sorry, or to reach out to someone you thought you lost. 

Xo

Eating.

I should probably explain the I am not able to eat portion of my concern. I am unable to maintain anything I consume, excluding ice chips, small water sips, and sometimes clear juice that I have diluted 50% on my own. 

Each meal is the replica of the last:

6 oz ladle of broth

4 oz cold tea, unsweetened, 1/2 caf

4 oz juice

6 oz jello ( never eat)

That is it. All I have tried since Monday. While I've kept about 4 oz of beef broth, and my juice concoction, that is it. I'm not nauseated for most part, eat slower than thought possible, sit upright and remain that way.

 9.7/10 times?, I return on the investment. My system is clear of any blockages, but still not processing normally. Neurogenic response & motility and key things I need to increase and improve. 

My lung is still clear sounding from the Thora on Tuesday. No leads to any cardiac involvement, just cancer rearing it's ugly head. 

Speaking of cancer, I've not had treatment for a bit. Please direct prayers towarditmaintaining, receding, and as always complete healing. I have to get through this week and back to functioning before they can knock me back down. 

My John will be here shortly. My rock. My heart. Without him, my babies, my family, I am not sure I would still have my smile, still be angry as I have ever been, and still have my love. My family is an amazing group of Northerners who have endured more cancer than any family should. 

Hug your people extra long today. If you see my little people, poke JM, and hug Mary from mommy. If he will let you hug him, go for it, but beware. He's a little "to cool" at times. 

Xo

Update

3 highly likely causes of my issues:

1. Medicines

2. Tumor pressure on bowels (tumors that I have)

3. (Most likely this one) Gastraparesis: neurogenic parts of bowel

Meeting with more docs later/tomorrow to discuss this as it is the most likely

Starting a medicine tonight, amitzia?, hopefully. Sadly only comes in pill form which isn't great for me. Need to restart the motility/neurogenic responses in my bowels. 

Well, the Thoracentisis stunk, but it is over. Drained a little over 2L off left lung. I'm totally opening my own home brew shoppe at some point. Still breathing daintily, from that, but you would too if they did it. 

Apparently have a temp now that they are looking at as well. I'm thinking I'm going to have to blow air into that machine with the balls?  That should be it. I'm a little sleepy, but trying to keep down some broth, so upright I will stay for awhile longer. 

Slept okay, but did not maintain my dinner. Looking forward to bathing, a walk, and forward progress. 

Thank you for thinking of my family and me. This is harder on them, because I am here, and they are... everywhere. Xo

Sarah Cannon, Part Deux

Admitted to hospital, again, yesterday. Have had vomiting and nausea since the 13th, with complete inability to keep ANYTHING down, nothing. 3 office visits to combat dehydration and try new meds. etc., nothing has worked. NO food or drink maintained in over 7 days. 

CT of abdomen is clear, so no blockages, which is "good" but horror movie sickness continues. Also now have pleural effusion (fluid near lungs?), and will have a thoracentisis this morning to remove that liquid. 

Combine all this with low grade temp, sore back, vertigo, unsteadiness, and a few more personal issues and you have me....  I'm starving, thirsty, miserable, and very tired. 

Thank you for thinking of my family and myself. 

Clear head, still on the mend

Brain CT & MRI were clear, PTL! EGD of esophagus, tummy, and beginning intestines explained a few of my issues but not too much. Came home late Tuesday with a bag full of scripts, orders for vestibular PT (for my insane vertigo,) told to walk, and rest greatly, and a list of things to implement from Home Health. 

Slept most of yesterday when not hiding from housekeeper, and today spent the day in Nashville with new oncologist (clinical trial guy.). CANNOT start clin trial until my Ascites, my malignant abdominal fluid, issue is under control. So.... The next best thing?

 They NAILED me with chemo. Max dosing allowed for Doxil. Side effects, freaky hand foot rash and hair loss... Bring it. Anything to get this hot mess under control. 

Still not able to eat or drink much at all. I've lost 11.3 lbs in 1 1/2 weeks. 

John, Mary E., my sister Pam, and nieces are on their way to Chicago for Cheer US Finals. And the American Girl Doll store. 

Go Emerald Lynx! Bluegrass Cheercats #1!

Sadly, I am not travel-worthy.  Grammy was going to meet them, but instead showed up in my driveway today to help shuttle JM and with things I can't do, or while I sleep cat-like hours. Grammy, in JMs words "mom, you are going to feel a million times better, just because Grammy is here to rub your hand."   Smart little guy. 

Learned a few lessons this week, life DOES come full circle. Be kind, and others will be kind to you, help another, and others will help you, love endlessly, and you will be shown endless love. 

Xo

Quick Update

Update:

Checked into Sarah Cannon Cancer Center last night and staying at least another. 

Nausea & vomiting for a few days,  dehydration, vertigo, ascites filled abdomen again.  Had a brain ct (clear!) and going to have a MRI tomorrow just to be sure the CT was true. Paracentisis later today, this will be #4 in 2.5 weeks, and an EGD (tummy scope) tomorrow. 

Thank you for your love, care, and concern. 

Please continue to think of and pray for my family, near and far.