This last year has been filled with highs, lows, and many in-betweens. I have watched my children grow, flourish, amaze, and love. Just when I think that could not be any more amazing, they once again surpass my beliefs.
My health has been great, and I have worked to become healthier to ensure a long, healthy life...
Every three months I've enjoyed leaving my oncologist, with a happy, cancer-free, see you in three!
My hope has always been, to pray ceaselessly, that cancer never touches my family or me again. Last week, my sister Pam underwent a bilateral mastectomy, with the removal of several infected lymph nodes as well. She's mending like a gem. Preparing for life without cancer, and a bit of chemo and radiation as well.
My sister Michelle had a bit of a pickle as well, but all turned out clear. Yay!
Well, when I first blogged about my cervical cancer, I believe I called it "Spilling the Beans."
Well, Got Beans? ugh...
On Monday, I'm having surgery again....
At Centennial again.
My oncologist is doing it again
I'll miss 4-6 weeks of work again....
Cancer? Hope not!
I have Freak of nature size ovarian cysts that are hard, painful, evil, make my belly stick out like I'm pregnant and make my cute Ann Taylor pants too tight...
A PET scan was scheduled for tomorrow, but my insurance that has paid 100% of all this cancer crap, decided it wisn't necessary since I'm having surgery anyway.... Stupid crackheads.
So. I get to go into surgery not knowing, to hopefully wake up to the words. No cancer. Hopefully? No, I WILL hear those words. "No cancer, cancer free, squeaky clean..." anything.
My poker face is gone. CIA Sue as my sister's call me is tired. I'm spent. My tears are gone. Now, I'm throwing on my darks, and fighting this possible pile o'nasty.
This WILL BE all clear. It has to be. Do I have fight left in me? Please, have you met me? I can kick a** and take names, ALL. DAY. LONG. Cancer will not be the first, nor will it be the last. My sisters, brother and I were raised to be
INDEPENDENT**STRONG***CONFIDENT***STRONG***POLITE***GIVING**STRONG**UNDERSTANDING**EDUCATED***STRONG
Giving up and giving into fear are not in my vocabulary.
I draw my strength from many sources: God (who yes, does get questioned), my Mom, my sisters, my family, my children.
Not many know about this, and if you are just finding out, and are upset that I did not tell you personally, well.... you try explaining this 325 times, over and over.. " It could be, it couldn't be..." and answering the questions over, and over, and over while biting your lip, thinking of your sister, missing your sisters,wanting to be with your sisters, wanting your Mom with you immediately because she makes it better, worried about your kids, and hey! writing lesson plans for 4-6 weeks...
So, until Monday, or Tuesday... take your free moment, and think of people out there that are fighting a silent battle. Behind the smiles are tears, underneath the sweaters are scars. Think of the mommies who are fighting their fights, while tending their littles, and so much more. Think of the sweet little kiddoes and even the big ones that know their mommies are struggling, but not sure why, how, or how to help them
It will NOT be cancer. I believe that firmly. Bring it.
Be well....
1 comment:
As I blink away the moisture in my eyes my heart breaks for you, your mom and sisters. Today I would give my kingdom for a magic wand.
If attitude counts for anything, you win!
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