Round one, DONE!

Chemo round one is 100% complete!  After my first day, it was MUCH easier on the system nausea wise, but a whole lot heavier Sleeping Beauty wise!  I remember laying down the first Friday night after dinner, have a vague recollection of eating something Saturday night, and poof! 'twas Sunday morning.   I'm up and around just like regular people!  I drive, shower, vacuum, play, cook... just plain ol' regular 

As Monday began to pass, I found myself longing for my bed.  Instead of the 1500 tc sheets, a day of cheering for my favorite 82lb. wrestler lay ahead .

Wrapped up my 2nd day of this round today, short and sweet!  Stopped at Starbucks for my *free* macchiato (received the special cup from *bux 4 Christmas!), roamed Barnes & Noble @ Vanderbilt, then bought my first pair of skinny jeans!  The poor sales girl... Explaining the difference between skinny jeans & jeggings.... she finally just came to the fitting room with me.  She did thank me though, for taking the step to buy the proper pants to wear with boots, so that I would not have "the mom poof," and look like I was wearing jodhpurs with my jeans in my boots.

 Hoping for same succession of "easy post chemo days" after today, should be.  Have some issues to call about first thing in the morning, but knew they were possibilities, so will address, respond, and move forward.

If you have called, texted, emailed, questioned, and I have not responded.... please know that my intentions are not to be rude.  Cancer bites, plain and simple.  To tell that many times a day, share my daily health repeatedly, hear stories of people who knew/know someone who had or is going through chemo, well....it is HEAVY on the heart and the mind.  Think of me.  Think of my children.  Think of my husband.  Think of my sisters, my mom, my brother.  My oodles of nieces and nephews.  My amazing cousins, my precious aunties....

Cancer has weighed heavily on my family all the way back to the 70s when my dad was diagnosed. Then my Uncle John, next Uncle Chris.  Then me, next my sister Pam, then me, and now me again.  I.  KNOW.  THE.  STORIES.  I know about clinical trials, I know about culturing a cancer cell to test chemo response rates...

I also know that YOU might not know what to say.  That is okay, neither do I!  You do not have to say anything if it is uncomfortable, a simple everyday hello is great!  I love good jokes, corny ones, and dry humor!  If you want to share your concern / love/ support Possible Suggestions: "I'm sorry....Thinking of ...Praying for ...."  I'm feeling fabulous, and hope to keep it up!  If I look like I am lying to, just let me, 'kay?  and please, I beg of you.... no death.  No asking about staging, prognosis, nothing.

John Michael and Mary Elizabeth DO know.  I am very honest about treatment with them, and they "seem" to be fairing well.  JM was ticked because he only asked for TWO thing from Santa, and a cure for cancer was one of them... Anyone got connections for two Super Bowl Tickets?

Our children are rockstars across the board.
JM continues to excel beyond expectation academically, yet struggles at time to find his passion.  I'm thinking of teaching how to "code" on a computer, just need to dust off my own knowledge.  He LOVES technology, so it may be a win!  He just received his High Red Belt in TKD, now working for his recommended black belt, so big!  Wrestling continues wonderfully, and he is also busy studying for his lower school academic team.

Mary Elizabeth is now in her 3rd year of competitive cheer, and is better than ever.  We are so thankful for the organization!  Also, she has finally discovered a love for independent reading.  While still quite enamored with storybooks, and being read to, I've found her numerous times snuggled with her flashlight friend and a book, post bed time.  She is working very hard in school and has done well.  She LOVES to count coins, master her spelling words the first night, and any arts and crafts activitiy she can find.  She has added another child to her family.  American Girl Doll Marie Grace joined her this Christmas.  While Rebecca is still her favorite, Mary Grace has made friends nicely with Molly and Rebecky, her bitty baby.  She LOVES her dolls and plays with them daily.  Dressing, roleplaying, socializing, planning, plotting, designing... her American Girl Dolls, Barbies, cheer, and crafts ( and now reading!) are her passions.

John has transitioned into a local job as a civilian instructor.  He has added a goatee to his repertoire, and I'm enjoying seeing him so nicely dressed each day.  I've taken to packing his lunches, along with the kids :)  He also received a new fire pit for Christmas and has enjoyed building one nightly.  I think the kids and I have eaten our weight in s'mores!

Teaching STEM is still a gift.  Having 600 kids to know is not a challenge, it is a blessing.  Their smiles, stories, hugs, and amazing successes are all that I need to know that I am where God needs me the most.

Well, no chemo until the 15th.... I'll try to check in before then.

Be strong, be joyful, be amazing, be kind, be blessed.

I am thankful for each and everyone lifts my family and myself in thought, wonder, in prayer.

Hat Trick?

Cancer, part III.  Yep, I'm the cancer hat trick, 3rd time is a charm, however you want to say it.  Cancer does not have me, I have IT!

Recurrent metastatic cancer, that is behaving more like ovarian than my original cervical diagnosis.  I have no ovaries, and never "had" ovarian cancer, but the aggressiveness, travelling beast that will not stay gone, is taking on identities of other types of the beast.  I'm wondering if bipolar cancer is a better diagnosis?Adenocarcinoma is my beast, and it sucks.

My PET scan was this past Monday, 12/16, and I was naughty and got my results before the doctor.  I had them Tuesday afternoon.  If I told you otherwise, I lied to you, sorry.

I have a cystic mass that is cancerous on my L pelvic wall, and cancerous areas under my liver, near my colon, BUT not attached to either.  Instead of throwing the kitchen sink, we are throwing the whole kitchen now.  New chemo drugs, which are supposedly easier on me, rock ON!  Woot!  Gemzar and Carboplatin...

Will do three cycles, have a CT scan to check sizes, assessing, shrinkage / growth.  Will then continue, or increase aggressiveness of treatment.  I am also being referred to clinical program admission process at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center.  Sarah Cannon's stage name was Minnie Pearl.  I'm thinking about procuring a straw hat with a tag? Nah, I'll go urban and get a ball cap and leave the stickers on, 'cause that is how I roll.

Chemo starts next Thursday, 12/26, then the following, 1/2, then a week off... Rinse and repeat...

Please pray for my children, my husband, and my family as we once again don our armor for battle and hope to understand; why me?  why our family?.... Again.

This sucks, bigtime... but, I look the same, feel great, and have a fierce drive to kick this to the curb, yet again.

Thanks for your support, love, and prayers for a cure.

Be well, be honest, be kind, be amazing. 

PET Scan is a pickle

Having a repeat of today's PET Scan done tomorrow.  NO, not because it was showing naughty things... but because I was naughty and drank some coffee, too much sugar in my system, blah, blah, blah.

Maybe if they would have TOLD me to starve and dehydrate myself I would have know.  And yes, I've had a PET scan before, my memory is not that of an elephant.

Stay tuned... results should still be in on Wednesday....

Farewell Friends!

Saying farewell to my trusty trio of anti-nausea meds. They have been a staple in  my makeup drawer for months.  I have been free of them for a week now and feeling chipper.... So into the keeping-just-in-case drawer they go!

My second farewell of the week! 

Be well, Be kind, Be Awesome!

Weekly lab visits are finished!

Very excited today was my last Friday visit with labs.  I have visited them weekly since March ....

I went out with a bang though... I think they filled every color vial they had...  And probably took some extras just in case

Thankful for their awesome receptionists and my favorite phlebotomist Mr. Ronald. He was the gentlest stick there and they always allowed me to request him :)

Happy Friday!

What happened to MY summer?

In a blink of an eye, turn of a calendar page, summer, for me, is finished.  Tomorrow is the return of the 5:30 wake up and spending my weekdays with hundreds of children who are not mine.  While I LOVE my job and all that entails, my schedule does not match that of my children, my vacations, breaks, nada.  I am wondering if I'm the beginning to be like the farmer in the parable of the rich fool we heard of today in church.    Luke 12:13-21   Do I have my goods laid up for many years?  Am I keeping my treasures for myself?  By no means am I / are we rich, but my job, well, I make a pretty penny more than my local counterparts.  Many days as of late I have wondered at what cost?  Missing time with our children, paying others to watch them while they are on vacation....

My re occurrence of cancer has allowed me, most often times forced me, to look twice, think twice, then reevaluate, pray, and wish for the best.  I remember going into surgery in February every told me it WILL be okay!  How did they know?  I could not necessarily believe that, how could they?  Looking back, I did believe it would be okay, and I too, was wrong.  Did it hurt?  HELL yes it hurt.  How many times have you had a doctor look you in the eyes and tell you you have cancer, again.  Have you had to call your sisters and tell them?  Your mother?  It was so hard.  I couldn't call my brother, I was too tired.  I made my sister do it.
Now, I look twice, savor three times, and believe non stop.  If I stop believing now, when will I ever begin again?  This summer I have savored the ice cream mustaches, believed in the s'more sticky smiles, and loved the twinkling eyes over and over again.  Through them, and so much more, I believe that deep down inside I have been renewed in some way.  While I truly hope that it is my health that has been renewed, there are other aspects of my life that have been changed forever as well.

As I head back to school, I'm still tired.  My last round of chemo, last week, was a WHOPPER.  I did make it to work Thursday and Friday, but quite honestly, I have not a clue of what I did, where I went, or who I saw.  In the haze of post-chemo exhaustion and anti-nausea meds, I trudged through.  For those that asked "How are you?" and I answered "fine," thanks for allowing me to lie.

My last round came and went with as much fanfare as a tetanus shot.  My nurses hugged me, and we all felt the sadness of farewell, but as I told them both "I hope I never see you again."  I mean it.  Chemo is a nasty beast that sucks the life out of a person, relationships, and families.  I've done my best, but hot dog! its a bear.  I'm looking forward to the day where I can no longer say I'm sick of being tired.  Right now I feel like it would take the power of 5 oxen to lift my arms.  I look forward to the day where I get to tuck my children in, instead of them tucking in me.

I've always heard how resilient children are... and boy, are they ever.  Our children have come through these past 5-6 months pretty darn well.  They have learned all about chemo, ports, platelets, illness, hair loss, exhaustion and more.  They have watched their mommy go from long and full hair to short and fuzzy, seen 15 lbs. packed back on, experienced and seen emotions and moments that one would never hope for their children.  At the end of the day?  They still are amazingly awesome.  I feel that their compassion has deepened, their emotions have strengthened, and that they are pricelessly perfect.

I so look forward to telling them that the cancer is gone. dead. extinct.  I will get to do that on the 11th of September, Patriot Day.  My PET scan is scheduled for September 9.  I'll get my results two days later when I meet with Dr. Numnum.

So for now, that is it.  I'm not sure if you will hear from me before September 11.  I would like to think so, but cannot promise.  I have a lot to do.  Mommy-ing, wife-ing, friend-ing, Suzanne-ing.

If YOU need something to do, this is what I suggest:

Eat pancakes in honor of my sister Pam:

"Monday August 5th is my six month anniversary of my surgery & the start of my recovery journey. My darling friend Kate Kramer suggested it is time another [flat as a] Pancake week!

For those of you who missed it last time, I am asking all those who know me, my sisters Suzanne Michener Bronson & Michelle Herlihy, and my mother Jaquie Michener Dever to eat pancakes this week in honor & support of those of us who have been flattened - literally, figuratively & emotionally - by cancer.

Only the bravest (or craziest!), actually eat pancakes all week long; but doing so even once may bring joy to your day/week, & remind you that this disease is not picky in who it chooses! Bite me cancer!" 

Find someone who needs a smile and give them one, or two!  Heck, they are free!

Go find a person that was rude to you, spoke ill of you.... and smile at them.  Touch them as you speak.  Your actions speak volumes.  You may not be ready to welcome them back into your life, but you may cause them to think further before they negatively impact another.

Write someone a letter.  A REAL letter.  I received one this week from my friend J in IN.  Brought me more joy than a case of Hershey's on a snow day!

Pay it forward.  Somewhere, somehow, YOU can be the bright spot in someone's day.  It does not require money, or materials.  It requires you.  Take a leap of faith and be there for someone.  Like you have been for me.

Be well, be kind, be blessed, be honest, be loved.  

Know that I am so very thankful for you taking the time to "be" with me for a few moments.

Know that I pray daily.  For myself, for many others, for YOU.  

Total Slacker......

I'm a total blog slacker, sorry.  It isn't that I do not think about it, but that I do not want to do it.  Some days it is very easy to sit and vomit my world onto the computer, but most days I prefer to pretend that all is good.

My platelets came back up, but are back in the pits.  I labbed last Friday,  7/19, and again yesterday, Tuesday 7/23 to make sure they were up... they are not, they are even lower.  Stupid platelets.  So if you see me, don't cut me, punch me, or cause injury to me.  Thanks.  Just need the little buggers to come up by next Monday.  I'll lab again Friday, stupid platelets.  No rise, no chemo.

Speaking of chemo, next week is my LAST ROUND!  Can I get a woot, woot!  Yee haw!  I'll go Mon-Weds., and that my friends is a wrap!(PET scan pending)  I will have a PET scan sometime around Labor Day to make sure there are no metastases.  I CANNOT wait to make sure this pickle of a body is squeaky clean.  Other than my freaky platelet issues, I've not had a single concern that would point to the chemo not doing its job, Hallelujah!  Post-chemo, it should take anywhere from 3-6 months for my body to return to "normal," whatever that may be.  For me, it will be a "new" normal.

My persepective on so much has changed; my health has struggled, my family has endured, my Faith has deepened, my views have changed.  I look forward to fewer naps, energy that lasts more than 30 minutes, my long, thick hair, full eye-lashes, disappearing chemo-acne, the end of frequent tears, skin without bruises, weeks without needles, time with my family that is not dictated by chemo schedules, lab draws, and pill schedules.  I look forward to making new friendships, renewing old ones, and rebuilding and repairing those that have suffered.

I look forward to uplifting friends as mine have uplifted me.  I have a friend Carol, who faithfully sends me a card, or two every week.  I have every card that she has sent, and read them repeatedly.  I find strength in them.  I find strength in her, in her unwavering faith in God that I will come through this healed, stronger, better.  She made me some cds of encouraging and uplifting Christian music, some of her favorites, and I listen often.  I actually have every card that anyone has sent me during this recurrence.  Every one.  Some I reread often, others I hold onto for strength in numbers.

Our annual trip to Michigan was refreshing, invigorating, full of love, giggles, fun, love, and perfection.  I am so very thankful for it each year.  Cousins, Lake MI, ice cream, parades, ice cream, Aunt Sue time, Aunt Sandy time, tiny cousin time, niece & nephew Annalee and Aaron joining us for the first.time.ever... Little Micayla flying here unaccompanied for the 3rd year and trekking with us again, ice cream.  Sand, kayaking, sunsets, handholding, sister time, husband time, grammy time, sky lanterns launched with wishes to eradicate cancer from our family.  Mischief and sometimes mayhem, its my little slice of heaven.  I felt renewed, refreshed, and ready to face round 5 of chemo.   My sister Pam was there too, and returned to chemo as well, her last!  She's prepping for radiation now, almost at the finish line!

 

Kiddoes have survived summer superbly.  We have not been the best at doing our summer work for school, but all will balance out.  We've tried to make their summer as normal as normal could be in this household.  Swimming, biking, glowsticks, lightning bugs, backyard bonfires, sunscreen, sprinklers and more.  John bought John Michael and I fancy new bikes, so bike riding is our new thing!  Anything to bring them joy during this crazy time, to turn their worries into wonders and remind them that life's joys are everywhere.

Work begins next week, blech.  We go back July 31, with student's 1st day Monday, August 5th.  I'm going to miss the 1st day most likely due to chemo, but will trudge through the next two.  I'm going to miss my babies terribly.  I cherish our time in the summer greatly and have wondered if my working where I do is the best choice for our family.  I would love to have more time with my children, my husband...  Anyone have a crystal ball I may borrow?

Anyhow, next week it is.  Heading back for my 16th year with Fort Campbell Schools.  Looking forward to year two of teaching STEM, new faces, new challenges, but not some changes.  Will desperately miss my dear friend Courtney who is moving to VA.  Today we had a "farewell" for her, and I think I spent more time looking away, than I did looking at her.  Every time I did, tears formed, a lump grew, and my heart ached.  Its not often when you meet a truly, truly great person.  I'm not great at farewells, and wished I could have hidden in a bush like John Michael did when he was little and guests would leave.  I've leaned heavily on her smile, heart, strength and faith over the years, and have learned so much from her.  To be honest, its going to be tough without knowing her smile is right around the corner and down the hall.  I'll find my joy, find my smile, find my happiness there again, but will miss her deeply.

Kiddoes are looking forward to school, for the most part.  Busy with losing teeth, cheerleading, Tae Kwon Do, and Middle School soccer!  Their school allows 4th & 5th grades to play middle school sports.  JM has enjoyed the practices and has participated in camp this week with the "big boys" this week.  He is the only incoming 4th grade that has attended all of camp, and has had quite the big time.  When I picked him up this morning, he and his pal, "D Mac" I believe were walking together.  The older boy patted him on the head, gave him some "knuckles" and told him that he was proud of his hard work and had played great as a defender.  According to JM this young man was the varsity goalie and his new pal.  I of course got teary and had to get in the car.  Poor JM almost DIED when he saw my tears and gave an exasperated sigh at mom and her tears... sweet guy.  Between that and me rocking a wig to pick him up the other day, he may claim another mommy as his own.  Mary has been rocking cheer like a queen and is looking forward to the new uniforms and competition season to start!  She's changing teams within her gym, partnering up with girlies more her age and is thrilled that her "BFFs" are on the new team.  Thankful to know that her coaches know what is best for her and the teams.  Very blessed to have people coaching and caring for our babies like we do!

  

Chemo is almost complete.  Cancer should be gone.  Spirits are a bit low.  Things will get better.  Life will go on.

That is all I have for now!  

Be well, be kind, be blessed, be honest, be loved.  

Know that I am so very thankful for you taking the time to "be" with me for a few moments.

Know that I pray daily.  For myself, for many others, for YOU.