Well, surprise, cancer is still here and chemo still bites! Hot diggity does it ever! Not that I’m expecting it to get any easier,
but whew! Can’t a sister get a break!
Round two is in the books!
I made it through all three days, to include Avastin, which I did not
have with my 1st cocktail. Its
like the cherry on a Shirley Temple, makes it 30% better. Yep, that is what some of my days consist
of: looking at my treatments realizing that
one drug gives me a 30% increase in life expectancy. Yep, life expectancy,
another term not thrown around often in these parts, but sadly, we all should
sit back once in awhile and think about it.
Please know that I DO NOT spend my
days figuring my odds, because A: I’m not a morbid freak and B: I only figure
odds in Vegas! But, I do know what the future may or may not hold for me. I like data, I like numbers. Is it the teacher in me or the mommy who just
needs to know the who, what, why, when, and where, but I like numbers. The numbers the Avastin can give me, I’ll
take, but….
Blech: the chemo this
time with the Avastin thrown in has been as my sisters and I would say, very
barfy-mato. Despite receiving anti-nausea
meds in my Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday infusions, I’ve also been
medicating at home with the rotating trifecta of Phenergan, Compazine, and Zofran. Good times people. Combine this with hot flashes, constant
headaches, and feeling and exhausted, and Bazinga!.. crappy week. Oh, and my white counts bottomed out, so I
received a lovely Neulasta shot that gives long bone pain, and am grounded from
work until my counts are back up. Elementary school = 100s of kids = millions of
germs = Suzanne stay home L. This of course stinks, because I MISS
WORK! I miss my people, my pals, my
babies. I’m sick of the couch, the bed,
the porch. I miss being a mommy and a
wife. I’m sick of being sick.
I missed my daughter's cheer banquet today. While I am so very thankful that a dear friend was able to take Mary Elizabeth, it still stunk. I was snoozy, barfy, yucky.... I missed it. I missed her getting her team trophy, and her best hair under 12 trophy! Ugh! We've been rocking those sponge rollers and teasing that bump and I missed it! Cancer made me miss it. My child's moment.
I did have a few epiphanies this week though. I made a new friend at chemo. Her name is Theresa. She is a pastor’s wife, and she is a
gem. She reminds me of my dear friend Deidra,
in that she’s direct, lovely, has a smile the size of Alaska, and wears zippy
shoes and has a purse to match. She also
reminds me of her, because with a single question, she was able to get me to look
inside myself to see who I am. I shared
this on Facebook, but wanted to include it here to, as not everyone is on FB!
May 1
"My new friend Theresa, a chemo pal, asked me a poignant
question today: "Who are you?" For some reason, it made me cry. I
KNOW who I am, but then again, I wondered, really? "who AM I?' Well...
I'm a daughter to a gem who became a cancer widow at the age of 43. I was 11; my siblings 7, 16, 18. I'm a sister to Michelle, Pam and Scott, Laurie and Aaron, a cousin to Leslie, Kristi, John Howard, Steve, Tim, Tom, Chris and Keith. A niece to Sue, Sandy, Suzanne. I am a friend to rockin' people, and a mommy to two of the most amazing children ever. Think I'm teasing? Have you MET my children? really.. I'm a lover, an emotional gal, who also keeps things inside. I would perform violent acts against anyone that tried to hurt my family, yet, I want to make mean people nice.
I'm a public school teacher that sends her children to private school. I love technology in education and yes, I think worksheets are stupid for the most part. I prefer paperless teaching and learning and strongly support differentiated teaching. Not sure how to differentiate in your teaching? Give me 10 minutes. Really teachers, not that hard!
I love our fat cat Harry, drive a mini-van that could use a vacuum, I use profanity outside of school, am very ADHD, and think chocolate is a gift from God, truly.
I am a PROUD American. I love GOD! Even though the big booger "chose" me for this battle, I love him. I am repeatedly asked how and why? My only response: because: if not me, then who? My daughter? My son? My husband? I will gladly and bravely face any battle head-on, than allow those I love to endure the pain.
I am a cancer survivor who is now a cancer patient, again. I think chemo sucks the big wazoo, but will keep going because I love to kick ass! I'm a girl who shares chemo stories with her big sister, because she is fighting the fuc*ing beast at the same time as I am. I'm a girl who weeps in the shower, PRAYING, this goes away, and stays away, from my daughter, my nieces, my sisters, me.
Ask me how I am? I will tell you I am fine, and I am. I am fine.
Fine to smile
Fine to cry
Fine to weep while my hair covers my shirts as it comes out
Fine to cuss, nap, and ignore texts and phone calls and not care.
I'm a girl who does
NOT want to hear another person tell her of someone she knew that had
cancer and chemo, and they died. Really? Who raised you?I'm a girl with manners, values, grammar, and knows the difference between through and threw.
I'm a girl in love with a boy who gave her sweet babies, and is loving her through this beast of a battle. THAT is who I am."
The next day, May 2:
Sitting at chemo and a lady just asked me what today is and
I replied " May 2nd, National Day of Prayer."
Shortly thereafter, our chemo room looked like a pole dancing convention. All the ladies, even the wobbly ones were up and at 'em, circling up to pray for each other, our families, our friends that are by our sides. Thanking God for giving us this challenge and not those that we love.
Needed this today. Needed this.....
Shortly thereafter, our chemo room looked like a pole dancing convention. All the ladies, even the wobbly ones were up and at 'em, circling up to pray for each other, our families, our friends that are by our sides. Thanking God for giving us this challenge and not those that we love.
Needed this today. Needed this.....
Two very important days for me.
So, now, I’m here.
Sunday night, fingers crossed that Monday, tomorrow, does not bring what
the last Monday following chemo brought :x(.
Fingers also crossed that white counts go up too!
Down and out? Me? Never!
I can have cruddy days and moments, but so very much to be thankful
for! My family, my friends, you!
A shiny spot? My dear, lovely, dear friend Jessica started a Relay for Life team for me: Team Suzanne. Kind of hard to swallow at first for me, but then I just let go. I prefer to give and do, than to receive and accept, but I'm trying. If you'd like to join us, please do! I believe it is a private group, but let me know and you can join in!
